One of my constant hauntings in the back of my head is that little Aussie accent, reminding me that "I didn't mean you weren't allowed to get upset, it's just how you handle your emotions."
Today was a day of...well...not handling my emotions so well. You know that saying "Everything that can go wrong WILL go wrong."? That pretty much sums up my day. Now before I delve into it, let me explain: I've whined, melted down, cried buckets, but the fact of the matter is, really, it's just discomfort...on several largly varied degrees, but STILL, it's only discomfort, and I can get through that. I'm onto the next thing, but I wanted to share, and just let this be my attempt at a neutral post. I'm trying to see today as a learning experience.
Anyway, the starter for all this frustration lies in the new intern program Parelli has put out. I've got some thoughts about it, which for the most part I'll keep to myself, but let's just put it this way: I'll be looking for new career options if this replaces the instructor program. That was enough to start my day off poorly. It was not made better by the fact that when I got to the farm to feed this evening, Prin was showing the signs of a classic colic case. She was kicking her belly and trying to drop and roll, and let me just say it sent me for a panic attack. In the 6 years I've owned my horses, I've never once had a colic problem. I've seen cases, but mine have been VERY healthy. So anyway, those two things piled on top of eachother to make a nice emotional stack. Then the straw that broke the camel's back comes: Richard's truck decided it was LBI. It's got SOMETHING wrong with it, and probably won't be able to take me to Stillwater for my private lesson with Farrah that I had planned for Friday.
Now...looking at all this objectively, This is all going to end fine, I'm sure, but this evening it sent me for a loop. I haven't cried that much in ages. I haven't been that angry at NOTHING in a while either. I snapped at several people who didn't deserve it (and a couple didn't take it very well, can't say as I blame them, either) and to those who read my blog who recieved my wrath, I am truly SORRY, I have no excuse.
Anyway, beyond that, I'm regrouping and hoping to get constructive and do something. At this point, the best I can do is drink some water, avoid coffee, and try to find another truck to use. Anyone?
Sorry for going crazy guys. Back to myself soon. A little sleep will help that I'm sure...and I suppose I should stop thinking, too. That get's dangerous.
Photo by Margaret Chant and edited by Jessica Metropulos
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7 comments:
Hi Fran,
Sorry to hear you're not doing so great at the moment. Things will pick up, they always do. :)
All the best,
Lucy
Hey there...
Ya know...it's hormones, it's adrenaline, it's expectations of yourself and others...and it's okay. You wouldn't be the horsewoman you are without all of that rolled up into a huge heart for horses and for those you love! So cry when you need to and then live in the moment. Maybe you are supposed to stay home instead of going to Farrah's because Prin is having a hard time. Find the lesson if you can, or the reasons, because 99 times out of a hundred, Someone is trying to get your attention and He doesn't like to go to phase 4 on ya!! :) You're a great lady, Fran. Remember you have your whole life ahead of you. You don't have to get it all done in a few months. :)
Hugs and love,
Jen
I understand Fran, if you need to call and just have someone that will listen... you can call me.
But as to the forum?
Snap all you want at me... I can take all you can throw at me...
Doesn't mean it dosn't hurt.
XOXO
Mariah
I'm with you on the Intern frustration. I'd been seriously considering following the Parelli Professional pathway but already had some hesitation about it. When I read the prospectus, it cemented it for me. I'm unlikely to do it.
But, I'm OK with it. My dedication to the program itself hasn't wavered. I just balk at the idea of paying $100,000 for it (when I could get a PhD or two for that). I suppose it is the PhD of horsemanship, but my first thought, which I'm almost ashamed to admit, was: "$100,000? It's horse training, for goodness' sake! It's not brain surgery." This opinion might not win me the Popularity Vote, LOL! But it's JMHO.
I still believe that anybody who REALLY wants to get there WILL get there, and God will open the right doors for them. I also believe that if one door closes, it just means God has a better plan in mind for that person. I'll wish the best for you, and if I had a truck, you could borrow it.
Fran if you ever need to vent or talk about something i'm always here for you cause you have helped me alot and have been a great freind!
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