"When you cry, be sure to dry your eyes,
'Cause better days are sure to come.
And when you smile, be sure to smile wide,
And don't let them know that they have won.
And when you walk, walk with pride,
And don't show the hurt inside,
Because the pain sill soon be gone."
~"Dream Big" by Ryan Shupe.
The past two days have been two of the most emotionally trying days for me in a very long time, and it's non-horse related, entirely. In addition to my being my allotted week to be moody, I've been sent lots of challenges to my emotional fitness for whatever the reason. Maybe it was time for a reminder that I'm not invincible, maybe it was time for an attitude check (I'm thinking that's it, actually), but whatever the case, it has really sucked, and I certainly don't pretend to have been right, either.
So, when I'm stressed, upset, angry, or just need to think, I often turn to my iPod. I'm always inspired by lyrics to songs. Even the music on my blog are songs that mean something to me on my journey to whatever I'm after--excellence in horsemanship, with people, as a person, you name it, the songs are meaningful (ask me sometime, there are some cool stories to some of it!)
The song quoted at the top of the page is one that, though I've heard before, didn't really hit home with me until last night, shuffling through my iPod at 2:30am, trying to fall asleep on the couch at my friend's house (HAD to get away). I had had a huge fight, a blow up, a debate, a meltdown, and finally a raucous dance party, and was honestly an emotional piece of work. The song, a pretty country-style, mostly acoustic piece, mellowed my nerves enough to keep me from over-thinking my situation (something I tend to do when I'm not confident or comfortable)and it put me in the state to really take comfort in some music. The lesson approached in this song are SO simple, and things that every person should consider, and remember. That, put into a beautiful song, and it's perfect.
Not entirely sure what the concept behind this blog was, other than to let you know what I've been up to. I'm off to bed now, and am determined to make tomorrow a better day, and be a better person because of this off spell.
Savvy on!
PS--Go check out the full lyrics to that song. Fantastic. I'm going to use it for my L3/4 freestyle audition :D
Photo by Margaret Chant and edited by Jessica Metropulos
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenges. Show all posts
Friday, April 10, 2009
Friday, November 28, 2008
Steps in the Right Direction
Much to my relief today, I was able to attend my lesson I had set up with Farrah. We loaded up (Prin actually loaded herself-lol) and drove out to Stillwater to our mutual friend Michelle's barn. Prin was her usual charming LBI self, lacking motivation, etc, etc.
We started out by basically disecting the problem into "Which principle game is broken?"--both driving and porcupine in Prin's case. Or rather, not broken, in the case of the driving game, but confused. What it breaks down to is this: Prin has a respect issue going on in zone 1 porcupine game: "No, I don't have to yeild to that pressure." Sounds like a simple enough problem, but Farrah pointed out something really amusing that I do that DOES NOT help. In her words "Now, Fran, don't get me wrong, you have been trained REALLY WELL, Pat would be SO PROUD, and I bet you never get rope burns because of it, but you NEVER CLOSE YOUR HANDS! Like I said, it's GREAT. You allow a horse to drift. But in the case of Prin, here, You NEED to keep a firm grip UNTIL she gives, then you can give. Otherwise, she leans and gets away from you." This whole thing became a huge laugh during the entire lesson. Periodically, Farrah would randomly shout "FRAN! HANDS!" and I'd have to grasp again.
Now, back up a second and let's get serious; doesn't Linda say something along the lines of NEVER RELEASE ON A BRACE? I had NEVER thought of that phrase in this context before, but it made PERFECT sense. When I held, it was only a matter of time before Prin relaxed and released! Of course.
We played with finding a rhythm and intention in my phase 4, because to be quite honest, Prin has never taken it seriously, even though she never really WANTS to be swatted, she kind of shakes it off after one and goes on ignoring me. What Farrah had me do was instead of touching Prin once, she had me touch her with the intention of touching her 3 times (or more if needed). If she got out of the way, great, if not, smack, smack, smack on her zone 5 until she skedaddled. Didn't take long. What this built was a really snappy send and some attention, which carried into a much more quality allow. All while paying attention to whether my horse was leaning on the halter, using herself, etc. When she made the slightest effort at purity and decent movement, she came and got rubbed to death. Amazingly, this was enough--I didn't have cookies, but she loved her scratches...something about proper position and timing rings in my head here...
Now, all this while, we'd been playing at the walk/trot on the 12' line. We bumped it up to the 22' line next, and we started playing with heading into the canter. At first, again, Farrah had me playing with trot, only this time, we added a change of direction for two reasons--first, to practice with my snappy departs/leaning issue (I was supposed to do these changes of direction without opening my hands) and also to get Prin to sink back and engage her hindquarters, preparing her to depart into a canter. This went well, and soon enough, Farrah asked me to ask her to canter...And here's where it all adds up. While keeping my hands closed, I had to keep a good rhythm in my effective phase 4, while trying to accept a try and release after she quit bracing.
While I wouldn't call it a miracle session, I'd say it was a start. After playing at the canter for 1/2 an hour, Prin was maintaining for 2-3 laps with me basically neutral. Still not totally there, but MUCH improvement, and more effort from my horse than I'd EVER seen before--even in her "I'll do 14 laps" phase, and the look on her face said it all. Huge hugs to Farrah for helping through this puzzle. I think I've got some good things to play with until we leave for our course. Can't wait to watch the improvements!
Here's a general overview of my notes. Most of this is included within the story, (but these will be easier to follow):
*Pressure on Z4/Z5 means forward as well as disengage/sideways
*Porcupine trouble on Z1--CLOSE HANDS!!! Don't release on a brace
*Bring back when horse falls into a good rhythm/cooperates
*Keep at a managable distance (6-8 feet) until responsive--bring it back in if it regresses
*If it EVER gets unmanagable, SHORTEN ROPE
*Snappy send=snappy allow=snappy bring back
*Rhythmic intention w/ Phase 4--3 slaps as opposed to 1, stop when she puts efford into forward motion vs. sideways
*Do change of direction into canter
*KEEP HANDS CLOSED--Changes of direction especially
*Quicker phases--point, lift, swing, touch, touch, touch.
*Reward WAY often. FRIENDLY FRIENDLY FRIENDLY!
That's all for tonight, folks. let me know what you think!
We started out by basically disecting the problem into "Which principle game is broken?"--both driving and porcupine in Prin's case. Or rather, not broken, in the case of the driving game, but confused. What it breaks down to is this: Prin has a respect issue going on in zone 1 porcupine game: "No, I don't have to yeild to that pressure." Sounds like a simple enough problem, but Farrah pointed out something really amusing that I do that DOES NOT help. In her words "Now, Fran, don't get me wrong, you have been trained REALLY WELL, Pat would be SO PROUD, and I bet you never get rope burns because of it, but you NEVER CLOSE YOUR HANDS! Like I said, it's GREAT. You allow a horse to drift. But in the case of Prin, here, You NEED to keep a firm grip UNTIL she gives, then you can give. Otherwise, she leans and gets away from you." This whole thing became a huge laugh during the entire lesson. Periodically, Farrah would randomly shout "FRAN! HANDS!" and I'd have to grasp again.
Now, back up a second and let's get serious; doesn't Linda say something along the lines of NEVER RELEASE ON A BRACE? I had NEVER thought of that phrase in this context before, but it made PERFECT sense. When I held, it was only a matter of time before Prin relaxed and released! Of course.
We played with finding a rhythm and intention in my phase 4, because to be quite honest, Prin has never taken it seriously, even though she never really WANTS to be swatted, she kind of shakes it off after one and goes on ignoring me. What Farrah had me do was instead of touching Prin once, she had me touch her with the intention of touching her 3 times (or more if needed). If she got out of the way, great, if not, smack, smack, smack on her zone 5 until she skedaddled. Didn't take long. What this built was a really snappy send and some attention, which carried into a much more quality allow. All while paying attention to whether my horse was leaning on the halter, using herself, etc. When she made the slightest effort at purity and decent movement, she came and got rubbed to death. Amazingly, this was enough--I didn't have cookies, but she loved her scratches...something about proper position and timing rings in my head here...
Now, all this while, we'd been playing at the walk/trot on the 12' line. We bumped it up to the 22' line next, and we started playing with heading into the canter. At first, again, Farrah had me playing with trot, only this time, we added a change of direction for two reasons--first, to practice with my snappy departs/leaning issue (I was supposed to do these changes of direction without opening my hands) and also to get Prin to sink back and engage her hindquarters, preparing her to depart into a canter. This went well, and soon enough, Farrah asked me to ask her to canter...And here's where it all adds up. While keeping my hands closed, I had to keep a good rhythm in my effective phase 4, while trying to accept a try and release after she quit bracing.
While I wouldn't call it a miracle session, I'd say it was a start. After playing at the canter for 1/2 an hour, Prin was maintaining for 2-3 laps with me basically neutral. Still not totally there, but MUCH improvement, and more effort from my horse than I'd EVER seen before--even in her "I'll do 14 laps" phase, and the look on her face said it all. Huge hugs to Farrah for helping through this puzzle. I think I've got some good things to play with until we leave for our course. Can't wait to watch the improvements!
Here's a general overview of my notes. Most of this is included within the story, (but these will be easier to follow):
*Pressure on Z4/Z5 means forward as well as disengage/sideways
*Porcupine trouble on Z1--CLOSE HANDS!!! Don't release on a brace
*Bring back when horse falls into a good rhythm/cooperates
*Keep at a managable distance (6-8 feet) until responsive--bring it back in if it regresses
*If it EVER gets unmanagable, SHORTEN ROPE
*Snappy send=snappy allow=snappy bring back
*Rhythmic intention w/ Phase 4--3 slaps as opposed to 1, stop when she puts efford into forward motion vs. sideways
*Do change of direction into canter
*KEEP HANDS CLOSED--Changes of direction especially
*Quicker phases--point, lift, swing, touch, touch, touch.
*Reward WAY often. FRIENDLY FRIENDLY FRIENDLY!
That's all for tonight, folks. let me know what you think!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Confessions of a Slightly Frustrated Instructor
Today, I come to you as a frustrated instructor-to-be, and yes, I am fully aware that I am TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. Teaching a student like myself with her complex horse is NOT easy. And yes, by the way, Katie is well aware that i'm posting this...she actually helped me write it! This entry is actually taken from an email to a higher-up, in request for help. I will, for sure, post my BFOs after recieving response.
So, a bit of background, Lady (Katie's mare) is an off-track TB mare, who is pretty similar to Allure, very LBE, but with the tell tale signs of race track emotional damage, that sends her explosively RBI if she gets stressed enough, which really doesn't take much sometimes.
Today's session started out with Lady acting very bi-polar, swinging from hard-to-keep-on-the-ground playful to grinding her teeth in stress, and it really wasn't a pleasant situation (was VERY glad I was the one doing the playing). I did a lot (that's ANOTHER whole email, by the way, but I can ask Farrah those questions) and was pretty challenged, but, after about 45 minutes, she was LB and doing great, and I asked Katie to come in and play, since Lady was doing well. Mind you, Katie had been watching me play with her bi-polar, goof ball of a horse for the past 45 min, and she was anything but in the state of mind that her horse was in, but I didn't realize/read that (blooper number one). Katie's like me in the sense that she internalizes her fears until they become obvious without intention.
Anyway, she started to play around with Lady, and long story short, horse goes ballistic, (feeding off of Katie's lack of confidence/emotions) and of course, I can't figure out why (blooper number two) until Katie finally turns to me after one particularly large explosion and says "Fran...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH THIS HORSE?!" Of course her mind wasn't on the horse I had passed off to her, it was on the horse she had seen me start with! (Cue the flinging of large, heavy objects in my general direction) UGH!!
So, we essentially put the action part of the session on hold, and broke the mental aspect down step by step; what is scaring her (specifically), what she's worried will happen, what she feels she can or cannot do, and how to be in the moment, and do her thinking afterward. And thats when I hit a problem.
Blooper number 3. I have NO IDEA how to convey HOW to do that! Or why the hell she SHOULD do it for that matter! I feel like I'm back in Intro to Psychology and am giving an example of what "Tip of the Tongue" syndrome is! Anyway, I garbled something that sounded like an intelligent answer out (GOD I'm too good at BSing stuff like that!) and walked off to the barrel I had been sitting on, to pout...and DO MY THINKING WHILE WITH MY STUDENT! ARGH!
One of the things that has always bothered me about watching Pat teach, (and please forgive me for this) is how he repeats himself so much. I realize that chances are, the reason for that is because he's SO GOOD and SO ENTHUSIASTIC, and he wants EVERYONE to GET IT, that he may not even realize how hard it is mentally to have someone repeating what you're already trying to do at you. So, how does this tie into my dilemma? Well, I don't want to do that! And I KNOW that i have a tendency to do it at the worst possible time when my student's brain is ALREADY jammed. This mare is LEAPING in the air, running through the meager Phase 2/Phase 3 that's thrown at her, and all I can keep saying is "Shake the rope! Shake the rope! Shake the rope! HARDER! INTERRUPT THE PATTERN!" over and over and over. Which is the LAST thing someone who's already confused and scared needs. Talk about instigating RB behavior on my part!
So really, it all breaks down to this: I'm not sure how to explain how to stay in the moment (when I have trouble doing it myself!), and also, how to HELP a student in a situation where all I really want to do is scream the same directions repeatedly.
And see, Linda is BRILLIANT in situations like this. I NEVER get frustrated learning with her because she knows HOW to read people, and how to respond appropriately.
I would call myself an L3ish people reader, and i respond fairly well to about 90% of the teaching situations that are thrown at me. But that's not good enough for me. More and more, I'm getting people and horses, and situations in that 10% that I'm not sure how to handle,(guess that's a reflection of myself somehow) and instead of being discouraged, of course I want to know what to do (How's THAT for a change since last year?!) I need to gain that savvy, because honestly, what's scary to me is that I've built this reputation as an EXCELLENT instructor, and more and more I'm being challenged in that image, and want to help EVERYONE.
So, with all that mind, I will be anxiously awaiting a response to that email. I've had some thoughts and BFOs already, but will definitely be writing a follow up post in a few days. I just LOVE this never-ending journey of self-improvement...
Off to go try again :)
So, a bit of background, Lady (Katie's mare) is an off-track TB mare, who is pretty similar to Allure, very LBE, but with the tell tale signs of race track emotional damage, that sends her explosively RBI if she gets stressed enough, which really doesn't take much sometimes.
Today's session started out with Lady acting very bi-polar, swinging from hard-to-keep-on-the-ground playful to grinding her teeth in stress, and it really wasn't a pleasant situation (was VERY glad I was the one doing the playing). I did a lot (that's ANOTHER whole email, by the way, but I can ask Farrah those questions) and was pretty challenged, but, after about 45 minutes, she was LB and doing great, and I asked Katie to come in and play, since Lady was doing well. Mind you, Katie had been watching me play with her bi-polar, goof ball of a horse for the past 45 min, and she was anything but in the state of mind that her horse was in, but I didn't realize/read that (blooper number one). Katie's like me in the sense that she internalizes her fears until they become obvious without intention.
Anyway, she started to play around with Lady, and long story short, horse goes ballistic, (feeding off of Katie's lack of confidence/emotions) and of course, I can't figure out why (blooper number two) until Katie finally turns to me after one particularly large explosion and says "Fran...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH THIS HORSE?!" Of course her mind wasn't on the horse I had passed off to her, it was on the horse she had seen me start with! (Cue the flinging of large, heavy objects in my general direction) UGH!!
So, we essentially put the action part of the session on hold, and broke the mental aspect down step by step; what is scaring her (specifically), what she's worried will happen, what she feels she can or cannot do, and how to be in the moment, and do her thinking afterward. And thats when I hit a problem.
Blooper number 3. I have NO IDEA how to convey HOW to do that! Or why the hell she SHOULD do it for that matter! I feel like I'm back in Intro to Psychology and am giving an example of what "Tip of the Tongue" syndrome is! Anyway, I garbled something that sounded like an intelligent answer out (GOD I'm too good at BSing stuff like that!) and walked off to the barrel I had been sitting on, to pout...and DO MY THINKING WHILE WITH MY STUDENT! ARGH!
One of the things that has always bothered me about watching Pat teach, (and please forgive me for this) is how he repeats himself so much. I realize that chances are, the reason for that is because he's SO GOOD and SO ENTHUSIASTIC, and he wants EVERYONE to GET IT, that he may not even realize how hard it is mentally to have someone repeating what you're already trying to do at you. So, how does this tie into my dilemma? Well, I don't want to do that! And I KNOW that i have a tendency to do it at the worst possible time when my student's brain is ALREADY jammed. This mare is LEAPING in the air, running through the meager Phase 2/Phase 3 that's thrown at her, and all I can keep saying is "Shake the rope! Shake the rope! Shake the rope! HARDER! INTERRUPT THE PATTERN!" over and over and over. Which is the LAST thing someone who's already confused and scared needs. Talk about instigating RB behavior on my part!
So really, it all breaks down to this: I'm not sure how to explain how to stay in the moment (when I have trouble doing it myself!), and also, how to HELP a student in a situation where all I really want to do is scream the same directions repeatedly.
And see, Linda is BRILLIANT in situations like this. I NEVER get frustrated learning with her because she knows HOW to read people, and how to respond appropriately.
I would call myself an L3ish people reader, and i respond fairly well to about 90% of the teaching situations that are thrown at me. But that's not good enough for me. More and more, I'm getting people and horses, and situations in that 10% that I'm not sure how to handle,(guess that's a reflection of myself somehow) and instead of being discouraged, of course I want to know what to do (How's THAT for a change since last year?!) I need to gain that savvy, because honestly, what's scary to me is that I've built this reputation as an EXCELLENT instructor, and more and more I'm being challenged in that image, and want to help EVERYONE.
So, with all that mind, I will be anxiously awaiting a response to that email. I've had some thoughts and BFOs already, but will definitely be writing a follow up post in a few days. I just LOVE this never-ending journey of self-improvement...
Off to go try again :)
Friday, June 27, 2008
Fear, Frustration, Fluidity issues, and oh, some FUN!
Interesting day today. First let me start out by asking everyone to tell me to GET SOME SLEEP when I complain about being cranky. It's been almost 2 weeks since I've gotten more than 9 hours of sleep, and it's reflecting in my patience and tolerance for silly things.
First of all, my frustration. My theraflex pad has decided that it needs to slip forward when it's being used under my fluidity saddle. Fortunately, as wonderful as the the saddle is, it doesn't follow the pad, but it results in a mess on the back of the saddle when it actually slides OFF. GRR! Here are some of the options I've gone over in my head:
*At first I thought that I might have been driving with my seat without knowing it (I noticed this after playing with the collected canter).
But I ruled that out, because I sat on my thumb, and it came out in one piece and pain free. Also, when I took the saddle off, there was very little ruffling on her back.
*So, is it simply because the pad is dirty?
*Is my horse just getting that uphill?
*Or am I over shimmed?
I'm perplexed. Fortunately, I emailed LP about the problem, so I'll post what she says when she responds.
The FUN in this came in when I decided to eliminate the "dirty" option for the pad, and cleaned it. It was about 85 and humid today. Humidity (and sweat-ICK!) makes my grouchy, and I know from experience that a theraflex pad is best cleaned a tub of water. So, see these photos of what happened next. It's GREAT fun, and it does a surprisingly thorough job of cleaning it!
Feet are better than ANY scrub brush, and you get a good massage while doing it...Win-Win situation!
Doin' the twist-that's the best motion to loosen all that stubborn dirt and hair.
That water has been changed 3 times, and it's still scuzzy.
And of course, finish with a rinse :)
Okay. Now. Fear and fluidity issues. Bear with me, this may be a bit scattered. I have come to the conclusion (temporary or not, hopefully the former) that I CANNOT ride Crest. Or actually no, let me rephrase that, I cannot ride Crest WELL. It is disgusting and sad for me to say, but I'm terrified of him. He's getting more and more LBE every day with a rider,(yay?) but has a tendency to get scared when I'm not fluid with his antics, which is a cataclysmic situation. See, Crest has HUGE bouncy gaits (particularly in trot), and likes to crow hop in the canter. I'm a very naturally balanced rider, and am fairly fluid too. I come from the hunter/jumper realm where the horses have big strides, so I'm used to that a bit too. But this is just...strange. I SOLIDLY refuse to ride Crest in a saddle until I'm somewhat fluid on him bareback. The reason I'm being so stubborn here, is because I don't want to use my stirrups as an excuse to not become a stronger, better rider. But the problem comes in when Crest breaks the trot. I have a really healthy respect for what this horse is capable of since my accident (shouldn't even THINK of that, but it did do some damage) and so when he gets going big, I get tense, whether I want to or not. Now riding in a bareback pad recently has helped IMMENSELY, but still...I KNOW Crest is not offering a nice easy trot for me either. I've seen it on the ground, and experienced it when he's in a good state of mind, and for some reason (probably due to my recent developing fear) I can't get it. So anyway. That's my fear issue. I'm hating it, today we went for a solid HOUR, were both dripping with sweat, and I was almost in tears because I was so mad at myself. I just need to learn to trust him again, and I just kept thinking "What would Linda Do? What would Farrah say?" and that made it worse, because I KNEW I was wrong...so ACK... I know it's me, and of course that's a step in the right direction, but GAH! Mental development in it's finest. I WILL get this eventually!
Savvy out, wish me luck!
First of all, my frustration. My theraflex pad has decided that it needs to slip forward when it's being used under my fluidity saddle. Fortunately, as wonderful as the the saddle is, it doesn't follow the pad, but it results in a mess on the back of the saddle when it actually slides OFF. GRR! Here are some of the options I've gone over in my head:
*At first I thought that I might have been driving with my seat without knowing it (I noticed this after playing with the collected canter).
But I ruled that out, because I sat on my thumb, and it came out in one piece and pain free. Also, when I took the saddle off, there was very little ruffling on her back.
*So, is it simply because the pad is dirty?
*Is my horse just getting that uphill?
*Or am I over shimmed?
I'm perplexed. Fortunately, I emailed LP about the problem, so I'll post what she says when she responds.
The FUN in this came in when I decided to eliminate the "dirty" option for the pad, and cleaned it. It was about 85 and humid today. Humidity (and sweat-ICK!) makes my grouchy, and I know from experience that a theraflex pad is best cleaned a tub of water. So, see these photos of what happened next. It's GREAT fun, and it does a surprisingly thorough job of cleaning it!
Feet are better than ANY scrub brush, and you get a good massage while doing it...Win-Win situation!
Doin' the twist-that's the best motion to loosen all that stubborn dirt and hair.
That water has been changed 3 times, and it's still scuzzy.
And of course, finish with a rinse :)
Okay. Now. Fear and fluidity issues. Bear with me, this may be a bit scattered. I have come to the conclusion (temporary or not, hopefully the former) that I CANNOT ride Crest. Or actually no, let me rephrase that, I cannot ride Crest WELL. It is disgusting and sad for me to say, but I'm terrified of him. He's getting more and more LBE every day with a rider,(yay?) but has a tendency to get scared when I'm not fluid with his antics, which is a cataclysmic situation. See, Crest has HUGE bouncy gaits (particularly in trot), and likes to crow hop in the canter. I'm a very naturally balanced rider, and am fairly fluid too. I come from the hunter/jumper realm where the horses have big strides, so I'm used to that a bit too. But this is just...strange. I SOLIDLY refuse to ride Crest in a saddle until I'm somewhat fluid on him bareback. The reason I'm being so stubborn here, is because I don't want to use my stirrups as an excuse to not become a stronger, better rider. But the problem comes in when Crest breaks the trot. I have a really healthy respect for what this horse is capable of since my accident (shouldn't even THINK of that, but it did do some damage) and so when he gets going big, I get tense, whether I want to or not. Now riding in a bareback pad recently has helped IMMENSELY, but still...I KNOW Crest is not offering a nice easy trot for me either. I've seen it on the ground, and experienced it when he's in a good state of mind, and for some reason (probably due to my recent developing fear) I can't get it. So anyway. That's my fear issue. I'm hating it, today we went for a solid HOUR, were both dripping with sweat, and I was almost in tears because I was so mad at myself. I just need to learn to trust him again, and I just kept thinking "What would Linda Do? What would Farrah say?" and that made it worse, because I KNEW I was wrong...so ACK... I know it's me, and of course that's a step in the right direction, but GAH! Mental development in it's finest. I WILL get this eventually!
Savvy out, wish me luck!
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