Soul Mates...

Very very interesting day today.

Mikaela and I went "horse shopping" today at the Jonsgaards place (where I got Prinny and Knight) And the exciting thing is, I think she's found herself a horse! I'm really excited for her, for sure. Here's some info:

Name: Shadow
Breed: AQHA
Age: early 2006 baby (2 years, 5 months, or so)
Height: 15.2hh (!!! He's gonna be HUGE!)
Color: The most gorgeous bay roan you'll EVER see, no white markings.
Horsenality: LBE!!!!

We just played with him a little bit here and there, just some basics, the principle games mainly, just to make sure he had a brain (which, fortunately, he does). Basically, Shadow is a big, nosey colt with the coolest "in your pocket" attitude, and he's not phased by anything--seems like a really fun one to start. He's playful and exuberant, but not extremely so, just enough to be really fun...you know, the type to lead himself and "help" you hold your equipment. He's also a beautiful mover with almost perfect conformation. They're asking $1000 for him, and Micky is thrilled, as am I, obviously. I just have this image of this gorgeous colt trotting around in a black fluidity saddle for some reason-haha

Anyway, that's my good news, and there's a reason I put it first, because now I get to wallow in my own self pity for a while.

I've been dating Warren for 5 years, and for those who have known me for that time, it's been a real roller coaster ride, up and down, all around, really hectic relationship. But at the core of it, there was a steady, unchanging love for eachother, regardless of how many horrible things happened. We've always been "soul mates"...if you will.

Well,it suddenly became VERY clear to me today that things have changed...a LOT...in our relationship. Firstly, I haven't seen him since I got back from the trip back east. I called to see if he were around and wanted to spend some time together, and I found out he was working. That was fine, I was going to Red Wing (where he works) today anyway to do a horse analysis, and so I decided to stop in and say hi to him at work. I walked in the door, and spotted him manning a very un-busy cash register, so I meandered over to say hi. He saw me, and said "Hi..." completely un-smiling. I cocked an eyebrow and said "Cranky?" and he says "Meh...whatever", avoiding my eyes completely. Warren's never been the real expressive or happy type, so I just kind of passed it off as a bad day, talked to him for a little while, and then left. No big deal.

Well, I called him tonight, after finishing up for the evening, to see if he wanted to get together (away from work, just the two of us, etc) and he was kinda like... "Well, what the hell do you want to do?" which took me aback, so I snapped "Um, never mind, forget the whole idea." which lead to a fairly snarly arguement, which happens in our relationship every couple of months. Anyway, I found a good place to leave it (had to help my dad unload some things) and I called him back later.

Warren, very flatly, without any explanation, other than "I've developed a contempt for women since starting my new job." breaks up with me. Completely cold, uncaring, unloving, un...HUMAN.

And honestly, I dont' know how I feel about it. On the front, I'm very hurt and upset, but deeper at the core, I'm wondering HOW LONG I've been living under the delusion that he actually cared about me. Because it seems like it was a well rehearsed move on his part. I'm also living in a bit of a panic, because Warren's been the only guy in my life FOREVER. I'm just USED to having someone there, who cared about me, and loved me for who I was, no matter what. And now I'm suddenly questioning everything about myself, and I'm losing a lot of confidence. For once "WWLD" doesn't help the situation. I'm TERRIBLE with relationships like this.

So I leave you with this snippet of lyrics:

"They say everyone's got a someone;
A sweet somebody to love
It might be fate or destiny
Maybe written in the stars above

But I can't help but wonder
After all that I've been through
Maybe my Baby's
Nowhere to be found
And I was just born to be blue"

~The Judds